These people find comfort in rules; they like stability, the status quo, and a sense of community. Because they know procedures in and out, they’re great at looking at situations and knowing where things can go wrong. Stabilizers are often the ones to jump in when a task needs to be completed. These tasks aren’t necessarily what they want to do, but Stabilizers know they need to get done, so they’ll do them. “What’s really core to them is that they have a place to contribute,” says Berens. When others buck tradition or work against established structures, the Stabilizer is confused. They hold to the phrase, “if it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”
Stabilizers do not like unpredictability, and when their schedule is thrown off, they feel lost. Because they rely so much on rules and social structures, Stabilizers can sometimes be viewed as rigid, uncreative, or stubborn. In reality, they trust past experience implicitly, and because they “know” their way will work without fail, friends may be hard-pressed to convince them into trying another way.
A Stabilizer’s tendency toward Thinking or Feeling judgments is significant in how they react to relationships, so it is important to further classify them. Stabilizers who prefer Thinking tend to be good at thinking logically through situations, but aren’t as conscientious of others’ feelings; Stabilizers who prefer Feeling, on the other hand, tend to be so sensitive about others’ feelings that they may illogically look at themselves as the cause for others’ reactions (e.g., “I must have said something to offend her; that’s why she hasn’t written back”).
If you are a Stabilizer:
The rules that govern a Stabilizer’s life can be their downfall if they become too rigid. To help your friendships, avoid forcing your traditional views on others, and appreciate their gifts and contributions. Be flexible and careful not to dismiss views out-of-hand just because they are new or different. “The [Stabilizer] frequently sees things in black and white,” says Tieger. “They need to accept the grey.” Flexibility will also help you avoid conflict: Stabilizers have their plans and like them, but if someone is inconsistent, Stabilizers should overcome the instinct to get angry and remember the perspective of the offender.
If you are a friend of a Stabilizer:
Stabilizers take care of the small things that make everything else run smoothly. Hence, it is easy to miss their contributions—after all, we only recognize the small things when they don’t get done. “Stabilizers have a tendency to wind up doing things that need to be done because they need to be done, and then not getting appreciated for it,” says Berens. “They are the ones who are in appreciation deficit the most.” Be careful not to take advantage of the small things the Stabilizer in your life does. Show appreciation for the travel plans he made for your fishing trip; thank her for organizing the invites and food for the shower you’re throwing together.
Also, help them explore the lighter side of life. Stabilizers like the satisfaction that comes from work, but they easily caught up in getting things done, and fun gets overlooked. Take them out, and remind them to take a step back from their to-do list.
Finally, be sensitive of their schedules; if you have to change plans, give them notice.
Stabilizers in Conflict:
Conflicts usually arise with a Stabilizer over how something is going to be done. In any situation, be sensitive to the Stabilizer’s naturally detail-oriented personality. “Lay it out for them and give explicit instances; ‘This, this, and this happened.’” Tieger says. Berens mentions that Stabilizers also need reliability in conflict resolution: “It’s not just about talk—you have to follow through.”
Stabilizers, who sometimes hang on to hurts or grudges, can also do something important in resolving conflict: let go.
since we have lived in Hawaii, i have learned to be much more laid back and flexible. people are not always on time or things like that but it has been a good thing for me, i have relaxed with my house, sometimes i think too much but i am also more accepting of others. i am a stablizer/traditionalist. love me or leave me.
if you would like to check out your personality you can read it at www.ldslivingmagazine.com/articles/show/1852
